I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
