Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
