Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
