My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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