i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
