I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
