maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
