I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
