SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
