Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
