:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
