I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
