I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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