I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
