im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
