She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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