His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
