Ketchup is God's man juice
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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