I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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