i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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