The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
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Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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