Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
