just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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