his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
