So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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