You smell like stripper and shame
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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