well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
