dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
