Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
