During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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