I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
