I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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