Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
