apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You left your phone here
Wait...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
