So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
