Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
