I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
