I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Are we still banned from the library?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
