Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
