FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
