We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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