I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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