I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
