If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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