And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
