I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
