my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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