I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Who died my cat blue again?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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