walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
