So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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