Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
