On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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