Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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