A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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