I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
