True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
