Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
