he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
