You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
