Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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