I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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