someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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