I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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