i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
