thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
