I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I didn't shave. On purpose
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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