so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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