Non-Jews are for practice
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
