I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
