Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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