We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize