it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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