yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
