That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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