So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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