I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
