If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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