just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
