so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
