You're completely useless in the revolution.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
