3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
