okay pat passed out under dana's car
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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