I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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