I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
