grandma shit on top of the toilet
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
